Parents who have gone through a divorce often find having to communicate with the child’s other parent is one of the most difficult things they have to do. For some parents, having to speak to their ex is so undesirable that they resort to passing messages through the children. That decision can have considerably negative impacts on their children.
It’s always best for parents to have direct communication with each other, particularly when there are contentious issues. The parenting communication can be done in person or in writing. Some parents use texts, emails or parenting apps to discuss matters related to their children.
Negative reactions are possible
When children are passing message back and forth between parents, they may be subjected to negative reactions. This often occurs when they’re relaying the message from one parent to the other. Once this happens, the children may begin to feel like they have to choose sides on matters. This puts them in a precarious position because they shouldn’t ever have to choose between their parents.
Children may confuse messages
Another issue with children relaying messages is that they may get the messages confused. This can lead to unnecessary problems and could result in significant arguments. The responsibility of passing messages between their parents is too great for children, especially younger ones. Another problem is that children may be privy to information they shouldn’t be given.
Indirect communication is also problematic
Parents will sometimes expect the kids to relay what goes on at the other parent’s home. This type of spying is a form of indirect communication that can also cause problems for the children. It’s acceptable to ask the children about how their time with the other parent was, but it shouldn’t turn into an interrogation where the child is expected to provide a detailed report.
Raising a child with an ex isn’t ever an easy situation. Parents who are in this position should ensure they consider the child’s best interests as they’re making decisions and handling situations. Including terms for communication and other important points in the parenting plan is beneficial so everyone knows what’s expected.
