Many parents make the happiness and well-being of their children their top priorities. Married couples tend to sacrifice for their children. In fact, those in miserable marriages sometimes try to make their relationships work specifically because they worry about the impact that divorce might have on their children.
Research does make it clear that divorce tends to have a negative impact on the mental health and social development of children and teenagers. However, a growing body of research shows that it can be just as dangerous to expose children to an unhealthy home dynamic and high levels of household conflict.
How can parents who believe divorce is the best option limit the negative fallout of the end of their marriage in ways that impact their children?
By presenting a united front
If parents can cooperate at least in front of the children, that cooperation can mitigate the worst trauma of divorce. Exposure to conflict and feeling caught in the middle are often the biggest sources of stress for children of divorcing parents. When parents cooperate with one another, maintain a neutral or positive dynamic during interactions and encourage their children to continue connecting with their other parent, those actions can go a long way toward reducing the damage that divorce could cause otherwise.
By offering appropriate resources
Depending on the age of the children and the relationship they have with their parents and others, they might need outside resources during and after the divorce. They need space to process their grief and heal. Support groups for teenagers can sometimes be helpful. Playgroups for children of divorced parents can also be useful, as children can create friendships with other young people who have had a similar experience. One-on-one counseling can help children understand their emotions, process their grief and learn coping mechanisms.
By keeping things consistent
Predictability and consistency are key for a child’s ability to meet parental expectations. Especially for younger children and children with special needs, a stable routine, a predictable home environment and consistent expectations are all crucial. Parents who maintain the same bedtime and rules at both houses, who keep the children in the same school district and who try to promote stability during and after a divorce can potentially reduce the negative consequences that the end of a marriage can sometimes have for the children in the family.
Making children the focal point of discussions related to parental rights and responsibilities can help parents establish custody arrangements that truly work for their families. Divorce can sometimes be a healthier option than trying to continue a dysfunctional marriage if parents act to shield their children from the most difficult aspects of their divorce.
